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Sunday, August 14, 2011

Pain with a purpose

I haven't blogged lately, for there wasn't any time. Every spare minute I was on my knees crying out to the Lord to have mercy on our broken family. Last weekend was a rough one filled with loss and pain. My uncle died on Sunday morning, and Monday my Dad was admitted to the ICU cardiac failure department in Cleveland Clinic. I won't lie...I was left wondering how God's ways are always good. I was left asking how I was supposed to count this joy. I was begging him to not only heal my Aunt's broken heart, but my Dad's as well. I cried. I prayed. I saturated myself with God's word hoping for some comfort for me, and some to be able to offer other family members. I was left feeling numb.... Then the lyrics of this song came to me..

Be still, there is a healer
His love is deeper than the sea
His mercy, it is unfailing
His arms are fortress for the weak

Let faith arise
Let faith arise

I lift my hands to believe again
You are my refuge, You are my strength
As I pour out my heart
These things, I remember
You are faithful, God, forever

I could feel God was close and He was using friends to show me just how much He cares for me and for our family. He sent one special friend over to my house with money that made it possible for me to not only drive to Tennessee to be with my Aunt, but also to Cleveland to be with My Mom and Dad. He used friends to pray over, with, and for me. I had people offer to watch my children, make us food and so and so on. And when I got the phone call from my Mom that said it didn't look good for my Dad, and felt that I could no longer stand...that special friend showed up to help me. To let me lean on her and trust that God was in this and bigger than this.

I loaded my princesses up and we headed to Tennessee to see my Aunt. She has a beautiful lake front house that her and her late husband had worked so hard on, and I was so upset at myself that this was the first time I was seeing it. What is it about us humans that we think our loved ones will always be there? We always think we will have time....later. She is such a strong woman ,but she has lost her best friend. I am continuing to pray that God heals her broken heart and is closer to her than ever.

The second day we were in Tennessee we got a call from my Mom....they were releasing my Dad and they needed me to come pick them up!!!!!!! My Dad is not healed from all his heart troubles, but the Lord still did a miracle for sure! They found a leaky valve and since he is too weak for surgery, they are going to try and minimize the side effects with medicine. I felt like God had answered my prayer of "Not yet Lord, I need him here longer!!!" So after I came home and slept a bit, we took our girls to a good friend's house, and Sweet Man and I drove to Cleveland to pick up my parents. I can't tell you the joy I felt seeing them waiting on us as we pulled in. It could have turned out so different. It could have left me in this world without that special man I am so lucky to call Dad. I am lifting my hands in praise...that it didn't.

I felt my faith growing by leaps and bounds this past week. There is something about not being in control, that makes you trust the Lord just a little bit more. To be in a situation that you have no say about and cannot manipulate it to work out for the best, that makes you call upon the Lord and know He is going to work it out the way He sees fit. It leaves me trying to figure out what lesson I was supposed to learn from it. I am taking away the fact that we are just earthen vessels that are so weak and fragile. We will not be here forever, and neither will our loved ones. We need to treasure each other and focus on eternity. This life is so fleeting and fly's by so fast, and yet I feel that constant struggle of trying to make this place my home...when it is just a "way point" to our real home. I learned that when I get the breath knocked out of me and think I can't go on, God sends someone to help me. And sometimes he sends me to help someone who got the breath knocked out of them. I learned that God does indeed listen to our prayers, and sometimes uses the diseases of our bodies, to bring out about healing to our soul.


  1. Thank you for sharing. God is enough.

  2. Well said and felt little girl - we will just cherish every moment we have with this special man and hope that we are allowed to keep him for a long time. We both love you so much and can't imagine how God felt we were special enough to have such a great family. Thank you God for your daily blessings!

    Now and Forever,

  3. This is such a moving blog i was so blessed to find u page when just searching around i needed this story right now.

  4. Sharon..He sure is isn't He? I just wish I always remembered that....

    Mom....I love you so much too!!! I always knew Dad was super strong...but I am just now realizing how strong YOU are!

    Kianna...I'm so glad you were blessed by this post. Life is hard isn't it?